Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
