it was like his penis was on wheels.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
