Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
