Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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