I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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