Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
