Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
