tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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