She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
