If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
