I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
