...so i touched it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize