Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
