I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
