Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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