she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
