Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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