Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
