and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
