i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
