hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
now i know why i became what i already was.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
