I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
