mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In America we eat man semen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
