some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
stop calling my apartment porn island.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
