I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
