Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
