Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
