I was born with a shot glass in my hand
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
