Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize