I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
