So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
