At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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