Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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