new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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