I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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