You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize