I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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