somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
