I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
