if you like me you must not know who I am
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
