Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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