not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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