sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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