Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
