I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
