Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
