If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize