i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
