I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
