so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize