So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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