ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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