he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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