i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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