Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
