Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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