Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You pole danced in your parka.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
