The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
