can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She told me I should be a condom model.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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