I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
