If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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