Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
