I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
