I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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