i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
