That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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