I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
