you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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