I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
