Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This baby is an asshole
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
