call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
