Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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