I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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