Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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