Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
