Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
