That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize