oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
