I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
