We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have aggressive nipples.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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