If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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