The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
