dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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