meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
